Sheryl Crow Worries About Your Bathroom Hygiene

Do you remember the "Seinfeld" episode about the toilet paper? Elaine doesn't have any in her stall, and she asks to borrow some from the person sitting next to her. Well, the woman in the stall next to her won't share the Charmin, so to speak. The woman in that stall must be a Sheryl Crow fan.

I just read Sheryl Crow has some issues with toilet paper and sanitary napkins. In this story, Crow goes as far as saying:

"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting."

At first this story made me laugh out loud. Is a vaunted member of the T.P. police going to be peeking over the stall to make sure I don't grab a handful? Are we going to waste even more taxpayer dollars on installing "environmentally friendly" toilet-paper dispensers? She goes on to quantify her toilet paper worries by saying "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required".

So what happens if you have a stomach bug? I'm sorry, but unless those "two or three" squares are about a foot long, then "pesky" doesn't begin to describe it.

This is where Al Gore and Socialist Europe takes us, I guess. Global Warming is now also caused by the massacring of innocent trees so we can wipe our backsides. Miami will be underwater in thirty years if we don't take the two-ply off the shelves of Wal-Mart stores everywhere! Those of you who think this is an integral part of "global warming fever," please experiment with the one square mindset. Go to Taco Bell, eat lots of spicy food, then take care of the "pesky" problem with two or three squares.

The moment idiotic ideas pushed by freaks like this take root in our society, is the moment I start an underground resistance movement. You can bet we'll use half a roll of toilet paper after every bathroom visit, I can assure you.

But it doesn't stop at toilet paper, Crow states:

I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve". The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product.. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.

Maybe you could wipe yourself in the bathroom with the other sleeve. Have a good time trying to defend this lunacy.