Five Things that Rub Me the Wrong Way.

I'm not going to beat around the bush on this one, so let's get it going.

5. Wal-Mart



I hate Wal-Mart so much. How much? So much that I drop hundreds in there on a monthly basis. I know there are two-year old kids in Taiwan who knit the band on my underwear. I know Mr. Jones' store on the corner, you know, the one that's been there since time immemorial, is going out of business because you can't buy storage containers, iPods, or the cheap version of Captain Crunch at the corner market.

I know. But I go anyway.

I go to mill with the throngs of unclean sinners. The tide of trash that spews from the pharmacy aisles and kiosks littered with titles like The Beastmaster, Total Recall, and Roadhouse slams into me like a giant wave of government check stubs.

God, I loathe Wal-Mart and its wayfarers of my tax dollars at work.

4. Slow Drivers



Yeah, this is probably one most of us can agree upon. I swear, these people don't populate the roadways until I'm running late for work. I think they have a communications tower installed at the mouth of Route 75. That way, when they see me tearing out of there in the mornings, they have the ability to call in the reinforcements. This is when everybody's grandma and grandpa storm the Interstate like Patton's Third Division sweeping down into the Ardennes.

After you cross 70, you should have to renew your license every year....and stay out of the frakking left lane!

3. Fanboys

This is a fanboy.

Know him by his physical appearance.

Here:


Or Here:



Even Here:



This is why I must hide my love for science-fiction from the world at large. I could be mistaken for one of these unmarried bachelors, living in their parents' basement, and playing with their lightsaber a little too much!

Also Note: Steve-Dave


2. Andy Dick


I've already blogged about this waste of skin, so I won't regale you with much more. Addiction-smaddiction. Get help, asshat. Until then, I hope people will have the common sense to not show this utterly unfunny human being on television.

1. Work

Work is overrated. Man, I would sleep for about six or seven hours at work if I could. I would wake up to eat lunch, go to the bathroom, then fall back asleep. But then I realize, if I didn't work, how could I pay back the government every year at tax time.....and how would this family buy their groceries or Garth Brooks CD's from Wal-Mart?



I've gotta think of the kids, man!